Friends Like These

Welcome to an bumper, accidental Christmas special of THE LAST WORD!

Renowned pop star Jason Wood (famed for throwing photographers out of windows and punching old ladies through hedges), played by similarly renowned pop star Graham "Suggs" McPherson (famed for being the lead singer of Madness and doing the Nutty Dance) is having an accidental stopover at Norbridge Station.

The Junior Gazette wants to scoop everyone and get an exclusive interview with the famously difficult star, and the only way they're going to manage this is for Lynda to cynically manipulate one of her best friends, something she manages without even breaking a sweat, much to the amazement of Alirio, Chris and visiting elfin buddy Rose, in FRIENDS LIKE THESE.

Something Terrible Part Two

This is a very affecting episode, and Chris & Alirio are just two of the people affected by it. This is the sort of thing US viewers might think of as a Very Special Episode but it doesn't behave in the way that they may be used to from other series covering as sensitive a subject as the sexual abuse of a child and is all the better for it. Incredibly informative, balanced & moving and not even slightly patronising, it's a masterclass for any writer wanting to cover similar ground in children's fiction.

Join us for SOMETHING TERRIBLE PART TWO.

Resources:

UNITED KINGDOM: https://www.nspcc.org.uk
CANADA: https://www.protectchildren.ca
UNITED STATES: http://www.preventchildabuse.org/
AUSTRALIA: http://napcan.org.au/

Something Terrible Part One

In a callback to the relaxed release schedule of our early days, it's THE LAST WORD PODCAST. Colin meets an unusual young girl who seems to be reaching out to him, of all people, for help.

Meanwhile, Spike and Lynda are presumably all over each other, but very much only when there's nobody looking, and often just after Spike has had to scale a building.

Will Colin be able to help Cindy, or will she, us and the entire world be rescued by the amazing Benjamin Drexil before Colin even decides to stop panicking? Will Tiddler's rabbits carry on breeding until they destroy the planet's resources?

The answers to none of these questions will be answered in SOMETHING TERRIBLE PART ONE.

At Last a Dragon

At last, it's At Last a Dragon! In a flashback to the early scheduling style of The Last Word Podcast, this one's been a while coming (we tend to blame the people renovating the flat next to Chris who are still constantly drilling holes into the wall). It's worth the wait, though, because this episode has it all! No newsroom! No sign of most of the regular cast! No comedy voice over on the end credits!

Hmm, that doesn't sound like "having it all" at all. In fact, that sounds like having far less than usual until you get stuck in and find there's genuine romance, and sentiment and an actual nice guy (rather than a Nice Guy™). Oh, and two children try to kill people with food while Colin dresses as an Arabian prince and Mr Sullivan clearly gets some.

What, or who, is the dragon? And is our would-be dragon-slayer successful once they lock horns? Guys, we've got so much to talk about. Get stuck into AT LAST A DRAGON.

Love and the Junior Gazette

It's hard work, being a totally nice guy what with being nice and everything and not seeing anything for it. All while some mouthy American and a moron with big shoulders get all the pretty girls. Not that you just act all nice in order to GET pretty girls. Come to think of it, that wouldn't be very nice at all, would it? It's the sort of thing that might make you scream like an entitled creepo when things don't go the way you were hoping to, with all your well-rehearsed "nice guy" lines.

In other news, here's an episode of Press Gang. It's called LOVE AND THE JUNIOR GAZETTE.

The Week and Pizza

It's seven slices of Junior Gazette action as we see a typical week in the lives of our youngsters. There's kissing, someone nearly dies, Colin cons some people and Lynda works harder than she should. Like we said, a typical week.

Join Chris, Alirio and a mysterious high-pitched whine that we couldn't get rid of in post, as they talk fashion, gore-balls, gerbils, Goebbels, the Gorbals and Fay Masterson.

It's THE WEEK AND PIZZA

Going Back to Jasper Street

Lynda starts dreaming of a woodcarving from her youth that she simply could not have owned, which starts her on an unusual mental quest into the past where she encounters Madame Fanny La Fan, old-fashioned bins attached to lampposts, and some bullies, including future superstar Steven Szczebiot.

Colin and Spike's attempt to manipulate Ruby Grogan into falling for Colin comes unstuck due to them being idiots, and Sam's attempt to seduce Kenny comes unstuck due to him being an idiot.

Join Chris, Alirio and special guest Rose as they follow Lynda (they always follow Lynda) while she's GOING BACK TO JASPER STREET.

Picking Up the Pieces

Chess, eh? It was a weirdly big deal in the second half of the eighties. Karpov and Kasparov faced off, before going on to spar with computers, giving them the necessary skills to one day plot our destruction, and Tim Rice teamed up with the hairier bits of ABBA for the musical Chess, a rip-roaring tale of international intrigue and bloody chess.

It's at the tail-end of this fascination with the game that we find ourselves in the midst of an unlikely love story between a young genius and the intellectual titan that is Frazz Davis. Elsewhere in the office it's goodbye to Kenny's late night rumpo with pavement artiste extraordinaire, Jenny Eliot, and Spike gets into trouble because a wall said something rude about his girlfriend. After a tumultuous week like this, we'll surely all be left PICKING UP THE PIECES.

Breakfast at Czar's

It's all change at the Junior Gazette. It's goodbye to Charlie Creed-Miles, it's see you later to Lucy Benjamin. Meanwhile, at the arrivals we have Rosie Marcel and the very surprising Gabrielle Anwar to keep us busy.

However, the more things change, the more they stay the same and - once again - the Junior Gazette gives over nearly its entire print real-estate to a single item. A single item that, once again, nearly gets them closed down. Meanwhile, Colin is attacking a mysterious box, Sophie and Laura are attacking some glorious hair and some fashion choices are attacking our beautiful, beautiful eyes in BREAKFAST AT CZAR'S

Shouldn't I Be Taller?

Lynda has gone and a clearly unriggable election puts Colin in charge of the Junior Gazette which he promptly transforms into the new look go-faster Gaz for go-faster people. He offers prizes, advertising features & interviews with Nostradamus and the new, lax approach to journalistic integrity and working hours wins over most of the newsroom. However, the hardcore, principal cast all agree that, despite suffering from PTSD, they should go on an exciting mission to get Lynda back rather than allow her to process the horrific events of less than a week earlier and slap her out of wondering: Can I be different? Could I be better? SHOULDN'T I BE TALLER?

Monday-Tuesday

Tuesday is cancelled. Especially so for David Jefford, the Golden Jerk who tries to bring down the Junior Gazette in retaliation for them not offering him a job on the writing team. Colin tries hard not to mention the war in his attempts to woo Ethel Stuttgart and Spike tries to change the subject. All in a day or two's work for the Junior Gazette on MONDAY-TUESDAY.

Money, Love and Birdseed

Pigeons steal £30 from visiting band The Dreadnoughts. Okay, that's not what happens but all of those plot elements are present as well as some crazy beatboxing, a detective story that barely features the person the story focuses on, some panties on a flagpole and guest appearances by Jim Davis and Tom Green.

Will Spike and Lynda get it on at the Pavillion? Is Bobby Tweed a "tea leaf", as them Cockney fellows might say? Will Frazz start getting some decent lines again soon, please? Join the usual Chris and Alirio and their special guest Paul Maki as they discuss the answers to at least some of these questions and try to work out which is the best thing out of MONEY, LOVE AND BIRDSEED.

Both Sides of the Paper

It's finally exam time and Sarah is unravelling fast. Lynda continues on her quest to become an unfeeling automaton with a supernaturally fast wit and Colin is making a fortune off of desperate students with the aid of the Colin Mathews Exam Kit. And then there's Tony Nolan, the Phone Ranger - a man with probably the worst radio gimmick ever devised.

Meanwhile, in the world of our hosts, Alirio is off to America (a holiday that's already been taken by the time this podcast was released) and Chris is continuing to justify the fact that he finds certain cast members attractive.

Can you wear a school uniform for every second of every day? Are Kerr and Winters the same person? Does Miss Trench actually exist, or is she solely Sarah's Dream Teacher? Find out, as we use...

BOTH SIDES OF THE PAPER

How to Make a Killing, Part Two

The mystery of Michael Eliot's fatal flight is solved and, it could be argued, that he came to a sticky end.

The Junior Gazette team puts together a sting operation targeting the kind of creepy, greasy shopkeepers* who illegally sell solvent-based products to under-18s and we learn that Colin is responsible for a number of cases of severe child endangerment, the little scamp.

Kenny gets dynamic, Spike gets the sack, Frazz gets zits, Sarah gets street cred and Peter Smarket gets completely screwed in...

HOW TO MAKE A KILLING, PART TWO

* (thanks to Brandon Jones)

How to Make a Killing, Part One

Let's get serious, Jermaine Jackson once said, and so shall it be done.

The crew wonders what, literally, the point is to a mysterious chalk outline outside a tall block of flats that's refreshed monthly by an unknown schoolgirl. Kenny tries to turn on his smoothness and get the undercover scoop.

Meanwhile, back at the newsroom, Billy reveals the sheer number of off-colour jokes he's collated as a coping mechanism for his disability, a mid-card news team member gets some lines for a change, Jeff wears an excellent pink T-shirt and Colin sits quietly in the background as they ponder...


HOW TO MAKE A KILLING, PART ONE

Podcast: Interface

Let's... Do... THIS!!??!?

It's time for at least a slightly special episode of Press Gang wherein a mysterious computer almost forces its way into the Junior Gazette office and gets involved in some Jumpin' Jack Flash shenanigans (albeit with television reviews rather than international espionage).

In other news, we learn that Spike keeps his dirty underwear in a bag, that he may tacitly support slavery and kidnap victims for Jigsaw in his spare time. What a guy.

Meanwhile in the real world, Alirio has run more distance than is strictly sensible in one sitting and Chris can deliver the Fairy Liquid jingle with, admittedly, a couple of words wrong but - astonishingly - at perfect pitch.

So, get out your modems and embark with us on this exciting cyber adventure. Boot up, log on and INTERFACE.

Podcast: A Night In

Episode 5 sees Press Gang slowing the pace with a character-focussed bottle show and The Last Word sees Chris and Alirio being impressed by this approach and some of Spike and Lynda's most dramatic clashes thus far.

Find out about Lynda's historical Friday, learn how paint can enliven the dullest meal, see the most horrendous jacket ever devised, learn how to secretly say "tits" on a kids' show, find out the exact outfit you shouldn't wear to a wake and also notice that Kenny is in the episode as well when we spend...

A NIGHT IN.

Podcast: Deadline

The long-awaited fourth episode of THE LAST WORD is out and, hilariously, it's about the team working to an extremely short deadline. Sarah goes to the worst party with the worst guy in the worst clothes, Tiddler predicts football results in the worst way, Mr. Sullivan has the worst conversation during a romantic date and Montgomery Scott has the worst shore leave when he murders a number of young women before Kirk and Spock cover it up in the worst imaginable way, but - of course - that's from a different series.

Which hockey player had a state funeral? Why is Subbuteo so named? Who looks like they're indulging in "a kinda hybrid Indiana Jones/Duran Duran video cosplay"? Find out the answers in...

DEADLINE

Podcast: One Easy Lesson

Hello again, patient listeners. Chris is slowly getting over being mental (that's a self-diagnosis, by the way, a real doctor wouldn't use such ableist language) and thus here, finally, is episode three of THE LAST WORD, covering Press Gang series 1 episode 3, "One Easy Lesson".

Hear Alirio's fear that Sarah was in an inappropriate relationship, learn all about Pinging (the new craze from CM Enterprises), be reminded what formerly-standard batteries have now been discontinued and other red-hot chat topics such as this.

Heck, after such a long wait it's probably best to curtail this introductory spiel and suggest you go and learn One Easy Lesson.

Podcast: Photo Finish

A relaxed month after our previous episode comes the follow-up. Long-recorded but only recently edited to reflect current times (by taking out references to Christmas and the New Year rather than adding a lot of up to the minute topical content, as that would be inappropriate).

Joining Chris and Alirio as they learn of James Armstrong and his marvellous teachings, is Joe of The Eleventh Hour Podcast and Joe & Chris Do a Thing fame, vastly increasing the amount of wrestling chat involved in the episode.

Meanwhile, in the world of the Junior Gazette, the kids are still following up their front-page grabber story, Colin has a phone inexpertly installed at the office, Frazz is actually becoming stupider and Lynda is working on her ruthless streak, which is a tough ask when your voice is going. Also, we meet the rightful Czar of all Russia and his terrifying pies.

We were a bit rushed this week and are still finding our feet and format, but we hope you'll bear with us during these developmental issues and get stuck into PHOTO FINISH.